((( THE FUCKS WHO CONTROL MY COMPUTER DELETED MOST OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ESSAY, AND I WANT THEM TO *KILL THEMSELVES* OR A NUKE TO GO OFF OR SOME SHIT )))
ANDY, ALLYSON, ALEX, SUE R. AND DAN B. CAUSED ME TO DRINK AND SPEED WITH THEIR “PLAN” IN 2004, WHEN I GOT MY BAD DISABILITY !!!
I don’t want to hear anything about Hell — that I don’t believe in — it’s just “The Afterlife” and it’s “Space” like “The Universe” — God shines like the North Star, but it’s just a speck, a single point in 3D, with nothing in your way to Him, and the “pathway” is one straight line with nothing that’s in the way — the “path” to God clears and you get all this cool scenery to gaze upon, while your eyes are closed wide-shut really hard, bracing, on top of the girl if you’re straight — and you have your first orgasm that changes your perception — and it speeds you up to a million-billion-trillion times faster than the speed of light as things get psychedelic and what-do-you-know-it… you’re still having your orgasm and it feels better and better and better while your ability of “sight” becomes like a screen 360 that shows the lightyears-per-second adding up one moment after the next… I had the Deftones (who just came on my XM unit from space…), I had the Deftones song “Xerces” playing that repeats the lyrics, “Stay in Heaven” or “Wait in Heaven” or something like that — check it out here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3JxLv5Z0D8 I used youtuberepeat to play it back to back for the duration of maybe six or seven hours — All I could think about was Heaven at the end — when I would have my Second Orgasm — I came twice that’s why it took so long — so I kept accelerating by planets and everything just like the video I would entertain me with the beautiful melody — in previous years I sent it to my Minister to view and he enjoyed it — he liked how it made Heaven sound grande and the astral video…
I’m listening to Nine Inch Nails, “The Perfect Drug” and that’s what sex all night, that night, felt like with my girlfriend of almost three years !!!
“You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug…”
Back and forth all night, and in and out and in and out and she was always face-down beneath me, and hot as I was, who did all the work…
Take me. Our love took me there. She just laid there and responded to my words. She saw her mother L., do it on tape when she was young, and she didn’t think it was bad, because it didn’t hurt her at all.
“Without you everything falls apart,” it says in the song, but nothing has fallen apart since we had to break up — I think of it as MY ONE “PEEK” into God and His “Afterlife” when our bodies cease to function and maybe our souls are the main highlight of “The Ascension” bringing everyone to the edge of space with God, and Allah will take us to Him !!!
“You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug…”
REMEMBER ::: THE FIRST ORGASM HASN’T FADED ONE BIT !!! YOU’RE TRAVELING FASTER AND FASTER, AND THIS WILL BE HOURS LATER — WHEN YOUR ***SECOND ORGASM*** IS LIKE “THE BIG BANG” –REALLY– THAT WIPES OUT THE UNIVERSE AND EVERYTHING BECOMES SILENT — I couldn’t hear The Deftones playing… I had no senses, but I was inventing new lives for me and new worlds with new words… I could only manage to say, “Justine I love you and God” !!!
Funny, Jesus didn’t show up anywhere !!!
Over the course of the whole thing, God didn’t bring Jesus into it — just The Universe and God and Allah and my lover, Justine !!!
*** A COSMIC NUKE EXPLODES WHEN I REACH MY SECOND ORGASM ***
I learned volumes about the Id and Freud because it’s what I experienced, where my physical body was separate from my “soul” (???) I don’t believe in souls, but I do believe in MY “soul” — I was the only one there I was blind and deaf but I felt unbelievable for the first time in my life, if I don’t count my experience in oral-sex with Ariel — that gave me a peek at what’s possible…
Throughout the experience I only saw: stars, planets, the cosmos, and lastly God’s face in a hologram — it encompasses 360-degrees all around us in a Arctic blue hue — like the soft blue of icebergs in the North Pole — I wanted it to be Heaven, but I’ve learned Heaven and Hell don’t exist — IT’S ONLY OUR INFINITE UNIVERSE THAT AWAITS US !!! — and making love with (maybe…) a SOUL-MATE — after experiencing that first with Justine, is she my soulmate ???
When my second orgasm was calming down I opened my eyes and looked out the window, where the sun had risen, and I was moist, sweaty, and sore.
To cleanse myself of evil, I took a shower with Justine who got clean too… <3
It was better than any drug I’ve ever taken !!!
“You are the perfect drug, the perfect drug, the perfect drug…”